am i worthy of your help and protection?

what is it that ihave to offer? to give? of myself?
what is it of myself that i can give you from the safety of my little room away from you but connected to you by this internet technology?
from afar?
my words? my voice through our podcasts and or our videos?
will you allow those words and videos to  help you and give you ease and comfort?
would it be enough for you to think my time and energy writing to you is of enouh value to you that you would think me worthy enough to help support?
you pay to.read fiction, you pay to read opinions, you pay to read books, magazines, newspapers, movies, entertainment, information, connections,
but i am not funny nor have any wish to be.
i know how to be a conduit of love and compassion in its purest form but am not comfortable doing this in a wau thay encourages sexuality even though that seems to be what most men seem to believe that is what they want.

am i a wrong that underneath all that what eah person wants most is to feel connected? loved? important?

do you realize that as someone who reads my words, hears my words, subscribes to our family's channels, who lets us connect to you via our art, our podcasts, our blogs, our video channels, you automatically become important to us?
do you realize that each time you spend your money on something or someone, you help.some.part of the world to.function.
are we worthy and do you find us valuable enough for our time and energy to write and create and share our lives with you that you would like to help us also to function?

you let us others into your lives in small bits and pieces . you become a part of their lives back each time you send money in their direction and each time you subscribe and follow along in their world and show your caring and encouragement

you are important to us.
may we be important to you as well?

www.patreon.com/KeE
sign up to follow along our soundcloud music creations and podcats, our utube channels, our art creations, and so much more  www.krineteagle.com

thankyou for your existence and for allowing yourself to be connected to us.

thank you.

originally written 12:22pm dec 31,2018

overwhelming neagtivity of some form? rage?/hatred? despisication

from out of nowhere and unexpectedly, i was awakened 9ut of a reverie with such an overwhelming disturbing dislike for my ex. so strong were my emanations so strong the awareness
of the disdain, disgust, despising of him to my core that no way could i believe these feelings were actually coming from me?  espwcially sincr for the last year i have spent teying to focua on gratitude that he was out of our lives and on compassion for whatever had led him to turn against his family and forget his caring about our feelings ..
occassionally i had felt minor burst of disappoinment and maybe even some resentment and disgruntked anger for his not paying the full child support he had agreed to.  he pays some in order to ease his concious, but not enough to pay keep our home safe..  but accepted it as part of our agreeement that he could pay at his descretion as long as eventually he paid it all sometime...
but today i found myself brought to consciousness by these intense feelings that did not even feel like they were my own but   but that they must be someone elses and i must just be pixking up on then from somewhere seoje someone else.
they felt like they were his emations coming from him in fact. kind of scary if so.
or perhaps he had finally come around to remembering that he actually once upon a time appreciated his family.
no this was not him missing us... it felt like his hatred pure and insane in its essense.. like he emated when he blamed me for his work and life falling apart even though he had already left and shut wveryone out of his life months before.

writing helped to dissapate the feeling a small bit.
but
why would i be picking up on it now?
was it bc he finailly read the email from our lawyer and sent him awhile back asking him to please honor the amount he had agreed to help out?

all i know is that despite wheatwvrr emapathtic feelings of understanding i once had for him snapping when he was feelt overwhelmed by life and depaite how much i missed him so since for rarly 29 years my life had revolved complegely around him, right NOW i have the same prayer my son has had this whole last couple of years, praying we are never required to ever see him again. 

this whole time i was always filled with compassion while my son carried all that hatred and anger and rage at his fathers refusal to honor or respect us or my sons opinions or feelings about life.

am i picking up on my sons feelings finally? no, bc whenever my son remebers my ex i have been there to soothe and reaasure him pleading with his heart to connwct to his inner strength core of being and inside that find compassion

no this had to becomeing from somewhere out there somewhere.

please world, please world, please help protect us from that man.
please send a monthly donation to my son at least until he is 18 to help protect him/us from ever needing to encounter or deal with or interact with that kind of focused negativety from him or another human ever again. please help me keep my son fininacially safe from his father so thay he never has to fear his father ever again.

please send the monthly safegaurding donation to https:www.patreon.com/KeE
or www.krineteagle.com at least until my son is an adult and he can finally feel completely 100% safe from him.

please.