Yestwrday was fourth of july 2015
Fell asleep on futon around 3 this morning
Woke up around 3:45/3:50 when scott came into room to check on is nd i guess see where we were?
Havent been able to fall bavk asleep.
Yesterday woke up several times but finally up for the day around 4 soemthing. Asked scott what time pool closed. He said 6. i felt up for going and since there was still time I said we could go.
But then when eagle found ot from me that i might not be able to make it to make it to fireworks I panicked and ran back to bedroom and shouted how much i feared people and hated myself for not functioning. How i was scared that the fireworks were more important. Mostly i panicked at the thought of missing swimming again i think.
Scott almost left without us but i got him to understand that i needed him to help show me and role model for me what patience and love looked like so i could give it to myself. at first he just stood there but when he said 'thats what patience looked like', i said, "oh, i thought it looked like a hug."
Fell asleep on futon around 3 this morning
Woke up around 3:45/3:50 when scott came into room to check on is nd i guess see where we were?
Havent been able to fall bavk asleep.
Yesterday woke up several times but finally up for the day around 4 soemthing. Asked scott what time pool closed. He said 6. i felt up for going and since there was still time I said we could go.
But then when eagle found ot from me that i might not be able to make it to make it to fireworks I panicked and ran back to bedroom and shouted how much i feared people and hated myself for not functioning. How i was scared that the fireworks were more important. Mostly i panicked at the thought of missing swimming again i think.
Scott almost left without us but i got him to understand that i needed him to help show me and role model for me what patience and love looked like so i could give it to myself. at first he just stood there but when he said 'thats what patience looked like', i said, "oh, i thought it looked like a hug."
He finally sat down and hugged me and reassured me that it was ok if we didn't go since i was saying over and over to him that i needed to believe that it was okay if we didn't go. that I was still okay as a person . He reminded me that it was not the most imp thing -- that the most imp thing was us being together, and once he said that, i finally relaxed enough to get ready to go. I guess I just really to hear him to say that nothing else mattered other then us being together. (((update 2018: sadly a year later when his work asked him to pick between work or family, he chose his work and then after he made that choice and he got fired half a year later, he then blamed his family for all his problems in life and threw us away putting us threw one miserable divorce in order to start his life over again, even though we begged him to go ahead and explore life as much as he needed away from us, but to allow us to stay married and be connected in email at least, sigh Anyways, back to the 2015 story)
We got there with their help but i wasn't able to stay in water. I ended up having to have scott sit with me for last bit while we had eagle go play marco polo with some kids.
It worked out ok bc afterwards we went to playground and played there through three sets of kids groups till after 8:30pm.
I had sent scott home to get himself something to eat & maybe bring us back some sandwiches. By the time he got back it was getting dark and all kids had gone home.
It worked out ok bc afterwards we went to playground and played there through three sets of kids groups till after 8:30pm.
I had sent scott home to get himself something to eat & maybe bring us back some sandwiches. By the time he got back it was getting dark and all kids had gone home.
But i had rested and felt up for at least going to rice campus to see the fireworks.
Once there and after the stress of not finding lot close to park -- with us parking over by where old telescope used to be, we raced to get there by 9:30. When i found out it didnt start till 10, I realized i wasn't quite ready to sit down and sincewe had time to get all the way to where the cannons were, that we might as well go in close and see the fireworks up close and personal with the live music. :)
Focused with our new goal, we made our way through the crowd to a spot on hill. First spot overlooked the symphony but it was too much for me, so we moved to a nice big empty spot on side of hill facing fireworks but still with view of cannons. I really liked the spot bc there was enough light there to video the people all around. :) I so helped the world make sense when I was allowed to video tape it. :)
I suspect Scott was little unnerved by all the people, I think, but kiddo and i actually found it kind of comforting as long as i had the camera to videotape it all. Poor Scott did not have that tool to help him. Sometimes I wonder though who is more sound sensitive though or which one of us actaully has the sensory processing disorder. Him or me?
Afterthought : i wish scott kept a journal.
Maybe i should have the family have a journel hour wrtiing their memories, lessons learned from the day, feelings and emotional awarenesses along with an exercise hour. Make each 30 mins long though so it only takes up a total of one hour. Call it the mental body health hour. Or something like that. The wellness wellbeing hour? Or something like that.
Maybe i should have the family have a journel hour wrtiing their memories, lessons learned from the day, feelings and emotional awarenesses along with an exercise hour. Make each 30 mins long though so it only takes up a total of one hour. Call it the mental body health hour. Or something like that. The wellness wellbeing hour? Or something like that.
update: april 2018
its interesting to read what life was like back then. how different it is now. would you do me a small favor, if you stopped by for a visit into our world by reading these blog posts.
if you would like to learn more about us now.. goto patreon.com/KeE or makersupport.com/krineteagle
