Sent Before I Understood that I had Accidentally Joined an Exclusive Group, which IF I HAD been informed correctly, I would never have done.

originally posted 5/23/13 12:04ampdt

I sent a version of this email to one of the creators of a play group we were in WHICH I HAD THOUGHT was really a co-ed playgroup and where sisters and girls were actually welcomed, (or else we would not have joined, if we had known it was strictly boys only because I think it is SUPER IMPORTANT in helping the opposite sex to understand each other if the YOUNG KIDS BEFORE PUBERTY STARTS GET TO ALWAYS PLAY IN CO-ED GROUPS (you might  disagree, but this just happens to be MY OWN VALUE system and BELIEF system)

email sent to that creator when I THOUGHT the group was really co-ed:

   

I've been chewing on a thought.  I know I joined this playgroup we are in awhile after the boys playgroup started and missed out on the whole discussion of the name for the group, but i was very disheartened to find out that a previous member of the group partly left as one of their reasons because they were not getting their needs met for equality, inclusion, and possible also understanding --  if my guess is accurate, based on the info i was given, --  all of these which are also very important needs close to my own heart.  So i wanted to ask a couple of questions.  

One, are girls allowed & encouraged to also join the boys play group if they want to?  

Is it an absolute requirement that it be called the "boys play group" in order to let parents know that most of the games are going to be geared towards boys and/or tomboys... but the kids do not have to have that particular name to get the kids needs met to be able to run around and play how they like whixh in this case seems to be mostly different versions of shoot em up war games? 

I know it has already gone through discussion but even still, i was wondering if it would be possible to out a request on of changing he name slightly to kids free play day where anything goes and the kids can play whatever hey want to play, even if it is shoot em up?  That way everyone can get their needs met for inclusion and equality?  

I really do not see how changing the name would prevent the boys from playing shoot em up.. Personally for myself i have fond memories of playing paint ball in the woods playing capture the flag.. i would have been quite offended then if the boys had told me that i couldn't play since i was a girl.   And by calling it strictly a "boys play", isnt that kind of encouraging exclusion of the girls who are really tomboys at heart and  might just want to play war games?  

I am sure there must be a way where the boys can get their needs met to play however they want and where can everyone can feel encouraged to join.   We COULD  just change that one word to kids.. and explain that the goal if that day is for them to be able to run around playing different fun versions of war games like capture he flag or whatever else suits their fancy?  

Please..  it really is important to me that we find a way to help everyone get their needs met, please.  Even the needs of that member who is no longer a part of the group because like that member.. the need to prevent the feeling of exclusion and to encourage everyone to feel welcome is very important to me .

update July 2013: I wonder if I had actually sent this particular version of the draft if the results would have turned out differently. In the draft actually sent, I did not mention knowing that another person had already left the group because of the exclusion policy. Turned out the creators of the group really were too afraid to include girls, or to listen to my ideas any more then they had been willing to listen to the previous people who had opposed it even though I had come in from a slightly different of reasoning and with slightly more happy invitation then previous requests.

When I started to show signs of losing my positiveness, One other mom who completely agreed with me and who DID have a son who wanted his sister to be allowed in, did try to back me up. She and I were both kicked out.
 Thankfully I found support not only from her, but also from friends/family on FB and through people in my other circles of life. I am sad though knowing that that group holds onto the idea of stereotype form of exclusion so strongly. It was very sad to me.

I am opposed to any kind of exclusion of RACE, SEX, AGE, OR ANY STEREOTYPE!!!
And it deeply saddens me when I see that inacted anywhere in society still.